CONTENT WARNING.....

SO i've decided to change my blog name... The story of Ebony because even if I decide to change my name there will always be a part of my life where I was to myself and many others Ebony... Don't mind me its 1am and I just finished watching "what goes up." one of those touching indie movies that leave you wide awake with thought.
So non relative to the movie I think about my life in its current status; its difficult but I feel I'll make it through, I'm starting to see a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. I lost it for a while but (blogging) self reflection helps...
The thing that sucks! Is in my heart I want to be honest with the whole world... but I can't... I'll explain.. I understand being honest is a virtuous character flaw; yes and I mean flaw, because I feel only the virtuous should be honest because they have nothing to hide, be ashamed of, or worry that they'll offend anyone. And I'm far from virtuous unfortunately; so I find it hard to be honest with people not all but some, and you never know the person until your completely honest about who you are.
I personally feel I have nothing to hide but plenty to be ashamed of unfortunately... But that's between me and GOD right? But in life there are reasons people will never fully understand you until they know the whole truth. I would be happy to one day meet one person, maybe even a room of people, and maybe hopefully someday the whole world I could tell the details of my life story and no matter how they feel: respect and love me for being brave enough to tell it...

No matter how much I've done in my 22 years; there's things that aided in there being fucked up parts and happy parts. Unfortunately even though there's many in the world that can relate your not suppose to bring up the fucked parts of you life... for some reason its in poor taste...

So my question is... How far can you go before people can't handle hearing the fucked up things in your life even if it made you the wonderful person you are or aren't????? Why can't we be honest about who we are?

P.S I ask you my blog friends how much fucked up stuff can you bear? Do I need to add one of those content warnings because I used the word fuck???

One semester down, don't know how many to go.

So I have finished my first "official" semester at community college, which went about as half assed as I thought it would just waiting to see how bad my grade is for biology of women and how good my grade is for strategies for college success; the irony :-) And now I'm thinking I don't know if I can keep it together long enough for nursing but I'll try because I don't know what else to do. I would love to go for something fashion/business related but I feel that it would be to huge a risk. Maybe after I finish nursing, when I was 18 I would have been crazy enough to do it but now older I'm more fearful of failure...

In other news I'm feeling completely and utterly restless in Minnesota argh! I miss when I was 18 and crazy and didn't give a shit about trying to be responsible... I miss clubbing, I miss drinking, I miss riding around smoking with my girls and acting a fool! I miss it all, and it wasn't fun all the time it wasn't the best way to live but I felt alive; I miss feeling alive and not thinking about tomorrow. I have this crazy irrational thought to just run away and think about what I'm going to do later. I f I could just find some where to runaway too, that would be nice. So far Seattle, Washington is at the top of my list just gotta figure things out.