Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Old times........ For the day........ Pieces of me......

So my friend I mentioned I hung out with yesterday and also saw her mother and aunt who I love as if they were my own :-) and I was happy to see them I hadn't see them in so long....

I vented my feelings of frustration and abandonment with my friend who's been M.I.A in action so long! I'm happy I spoke my peace and it was back to old times for the day... But I'm still frustrated and that won't go way; at least until I see what will happen with our friendship.

I'm mostly bitter because I feel I'm a genuine friend and I don't feel it fair for people to walk in and out of my life whenever they feel like it. That issue comes from my relationship with my father and him being in and out of prison; So the issue runs deep!!!

It's hard to let people in because you never know how long they'll be around. And when they leave they take a piece of you with them. I wear my heart on my sleeve ( as my mother says) and I can't have my heart and soul spread all over.... Those pieces never come back; How long before there's nothing left for me to give..... and I'm turning cold :-( I don't want to be old bitter and alone, with no one to love and no one loving me, no friends or companions....

Monday, April 27, 2009

People suck!

So I have this friend from high school who once upon time used to be my best friend. She is now in the navy active duty, But we almost never talk and she only calls when she's in town or a close by state. I feel like she only calls to hang out with me to occupy some time; And I don't really know her anymore its been 4 years since highschool and I can count how many full conversations we had. I think that if I were really a friend there would have been more effort to talk every once and awhile. I also understand were grown up and have lives I have mine to but its not that hard to send a e-mail or chat for 15 minutes even if its just to catch up. I have a life to and I can't drop it cuz your in town for a few days and didn't give prior notice; I have a life just because I'm not in school out of state or full time; or not active duty; doesn't mean that I'm not just as busy! But I can keep in touch and care to for people who care about me! And are actually there for me when I need them not just around when its convient for them! URGGGHHH!!!!!! People who read my blog are closer to me right now!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

April 22nd

So today is earth day and it is also my niece's birthday she's 14 now! I remember when she was just a baby :-) she's beautiful and smart; I know if my brother were alive he would be so proud of the young lady she's turned out to be. I don't get to spend as much time with her now since I turned 18 I've been running trying to get my life together but she's always on my heart.

I also have an interview with Dunn brothers coffee today! I'm ready to get rid of my dead beat call center job and go back to school full time* So that's why I'm looking for a coffee house job. I'm excited I miss working at coffee shops! So far I worked at Nordstrom e-bar in the mall of America as well as Starbucks and Dunn brothers (but only for 2 weeks :-) but coffee is fun and interesting to me; I don't know why. Oh maybe cuz I've been addicted since I was 6 years old when I used to steal sips of my moms (@_@) I would love to own my coffee shop one day. Once I'm done with nursing I plan to pursue it. Right now I'll try and work my way up in the ranks! I would like to be supervisor within a year; but we'll see how the interview goes first.

Wish me Luck!!!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

A story about Ebony

I haven't really written much about me lately and to be truthful; I've been wrapped up in thoughts of my situation, which hasn't had me feeling so happy. It's also hard to write negative things especially since I know anyone could read my blog; and I have to admit I can be really negative and I don't want my blog to be me ranting when it's suppose to be me discovering myself. Even though I know everything wont always be sunshine.

And since tomorrow is my birthday I figure I'll speak a little on myself; I personally love it when people tell me who they are so I'll tell you guys a little about my life up until now. And I will post photos tonite I swear, as soon as I get home from work.

So I was born on 04/20/1987 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. On a Monday the day after Easter :-) The same day as Hitler 04/20/1889 and the same day years later of the columbine high school shooting/ massacre 04/20/1999. :-( Also national weed/ marijuana/cannabis day because cops code for people smoking pot is 4 20.

I was raised in Minnesota even though my mom was born in Memphis, TN and raised in Lambert,Mississippi; a small town! Which she ran from and I'm happy. Then there's my father who was born in Chicago,IL and actually was hooked up with my mom by his brother and came to Minnesota.

And here you have Me an African American girl in the inner city of Minnesota and I don't like this term but to explain me I'm an Oreo like the cookie; black on the outside and white on the inside. Many cultures have their version. basically your one nationality but act like a Caucasian/European American. So I talk like valley girl and wear preppy clothes and hang out with allot of white people growing up; in Minnesota which is very common to be mixed race or have interracial relationships because it's predominately white, even though theres every culture under the sun here were a small percentage.

I grew up in a single parent home with my mother. My father who i no longer speak to has been in prison most of my life. I'm the youngest, I have a sister who is 13 years older than me shaped me in a major way making sure that my horizons are broad and I keep an open mind to everything especially other cultures. And had a brother 15 years older he baught me my first pair of name brand shoes. He was murdered 19 days after my 8th birthday and 17 days after my niece was born; she'll be 14 on 04/22 they grow up so fast :-)

I was a terrible student never higher than a C average but I was social and athletic, I'm surprised I graduated :-) My first job was in nordstrom espresso bar making coffee :-) My first boyfriend was a loser :-/ I went to every high school dance and was stood up for the last one prom, which I now don't have a picture from but i was beautiful that day. I hung around every crowd throughout my school days from skaters, smokers, preps, rockers to the girly mean girls. But friends came and went betrayed and used; And grew apart, and moved on.

I graduated and joined the army reserves. tried going to school; I met my boyfriend we moved in together. then tried working I worked at Macy's then Starbucks, then doing insurance verification. Then I found out it was time to go to Iraq; but during training before we left my shoulder fell out the socket while I was on the range, I ended needing surgery and didn't have to go. A blessing is what Marcus (my boyfriend) called it :-)

Now I work at call center for insurance and I plan to quit once I get money for a car, and start over to work at Dunn brothers coffee and go back to school full time for nursing; and move back with mom, next month....

Well I'm being long winded... I'll post pics tomorrow hopefully

Friday, April 17, 2009

Finally warmth

So it is finally warm in Minnesota! It is even suppose to get up to 75F/23C today. I love the heat :-) I have even started to ride my bike to work and on errands. I have not lost any weight but I do feel with the extra bike riding home from work and on errands it will drop off in no time (*~*) I also did my taxes last mintue :-(

Saturday, April 11, 2009

No voice....

So I lost my voice Tuesday and now its completely back! It was so crazy I sounded like Minnie mouse.

I've never lost my voice before, especially not for 2 days! But then of course I began to think what if my voice never came back? How hard would it be to not have a voice; especially since I'm so used to talking and singing. That could really frustrating not being able to respond immediately and the thought of having to learn sign language or writing everything down would be crazy.

It was scary and I now appreciate the ability to speak!

Monday, April 6, 2009

My weekend....

So this weekend I had to go to the army for my reserves duty; Which I always dread but never turns out to be to bad. So we had our preperation for next month drill; We going to camp ripley where we do our weapons qualifiations. I'm always excited for that bad I was made a driver and I am not excited about that, the hum V's are so uncomfortable especially for the driver and for 3 hours I'll be stuck in that seat :-( but hopefully it will be warm. So we had radio training for the ones that go in the vehicle which was fun as well but I will never remember it... the only good thing about being a driver is I won't have to deal with it :-)