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I have not been feeling motivated at all these last 2 weeks. I actually have not attended school for almost two weeks even though I only have 2 classes one time a week each, I've been struggling to find a reason to go. This is pretty much what happened the last time I went to school the first semester was mediocre and the second one I dropped out of which is not something I want to do again but I feel there's no point in school right now. I see no light at the end of my educational tunnel between trying to work and live a life its really hard.
I personally wasn't blesses with parents that are exactly educationally supportive. My mom actually asked when do I plan to move out! Which is rather discouraging considering I've only been living with her about 7 or 8 months now. And when I explained how long it would take me to finish school she seemed all the more irritated by the fact that I've decided work part time, to go back to school, and live with her... And honestly it's hard to focus in her living space because I don't feel comfortable or like its my home.
I also struggle with the idea of home work, why go to class for 4 hours only to have to come home and spend 6-8 more hours during the week doing work for one class?!
I tell you I don't know what to do with myself I'm considering going back to work full time and really taking this one class at a time while I work through my career road map at Wellsfargo.... I feel I'm a worker bee, not quite the studious bee...
BTW pick is completely irrelevant... Growing up changes a lot of my perspective... So I have a confession here it is...
I was a mean girl in high school mainly; I don't know if you've seen the movie "mean girls" but that was me and my friends and people literally called us that! I've changed don't worry, I've actually always been envious of all the emo, punk rocker, anti social, and non conformist kids. Seriously!!! Unfortunately I can't pull it of now as an adult :-( And I honestly don't know how I got wrapped up in all that mean girl crap anyway (oh I was the quiet one) everyone thought I was stuck up. But actually I was shy and had slight social anxiety!!! Seriously!
So anyway I talked about people and I may have been a little mean, but unfortunately as an insecure teen talking about other people so no one will talk about you is a drug... And I was high on it whenever I was around my friends... sad but true, I was happy to have friends and not be the one they were talking about. I always felt bad about it and I wondered if any of them ever thought twice about any of the things they said or did to people.
Now I'm not going to name things I did or people because I do have a lot of my personal info posted, and I don't wanted anyone seeking revenge. But I do regret it all, I was completely immature and a bitch and I'm sorry. In hinds sight I wish I was every kid I ever ignored, talked about, or just wasn't nice to for whatever reason. I can't take it back now and you probably wouldn't want me as a friend, but just know that if I can do anything right now for you I will. I like to believe I would make a really good friend now :-)
