Spring cleaning

So I have decided to do some spring cleaning but not the usual clean the coats out of the closet; I mean cleaning out myself getting rid of all the bad and making my mistakes right again... This will be the second vow of mine to do all of these things but it takes times (right?).

So saturday I baught a bike even though it keeps snowing and I may not be able to ride it for another month, I'm going to loose and keep my weight off and that will help; once its warm enough I plan to ride it to and from work and any close errands I can do :-) I use to do that all the time until my bike was stolen but I was slim, I've gotten lazy driving.

My next task is friendship with family I've been working on it but felt it was one sided and gave up, I intend to make it possible for it not to be one sided and be more friendly and invited. I received a note on myspace from my best friend in high school who asked if we could be friends again, at first I was rather skiptical but I do miss her; I have alienated alot of friends since graduating high school for many reasons but hers could have been avioded.

My fiances suck right now I could be so much. Looking at my W2's I made a decent amount of money for someone who hasn't gone to college yet but I didn't take care of anything that I needed to. So this year I will bring my credit back up which used to be really good and now its poor :-( also getting my own car....

But gotta work now.... To be continued ;-)

College? Life? Did I really F up?

Why didn't I go to college? Because I was scared ( and I still am), I was immature and stupid. Even if I just went to community college like I'm trying to do now and just went for anything; I would be better off then I am now.

And I regret 01/29/2005 joining the military every day because I was scared I wouldn't make it in college and I wanted an out. Now I'm stuck with that; how is it I make the worst possible mistakes for myself? How could I fuck my life up to the point of no return?

I applied for one school and didn't get in; I've been making excuses every since, its always been every one elses fault but my own.

I Fuck'd up, and I hate myself every day for it. Why do I make such stupid mistakes, why can't I tell the good from the bad, the right from the wrong... Will I ever learn???

I'm not sure where I'm headed, does GOD have a purpose for my life?
I'm filled with self doubt, plagued by demons real and imaginary, frightend by the challenges ahead and haunted by the ghost of my past. Will I ever know who I am?

IDK... Random thoughts....

I haven't had much on my mind to blog about the last couple days... I've just been working and being irritated with my job; customer service sucks I really want a new job where I don't sit on my butt all day, I've applied to jobs so we'll see what happens... If I don't find something in the next couple months I'm going back to school for my pharmacy tech license cuz I hate being on the phone, I would prefer to deal with people in person, for some reason their not as inclined to curse you out... Even though its not my fault they don't know how their insurance works, and threaten me like I care if the switch companies

But on the up site I found a cosmetology student who is going to give me a free mani and pedi on Craig's list! I love criagslist you can find the most random and useful things I also will go pick up two bikes on Saturday for $40. The deals :-) I'm such a junkie for craigslist since I just sit at my desk all day waiting for people to call, if its not busy I can find a lot of things like a hair stylist who will do extensions for half the price of these other cracked out stylist....

I think I'll start a hair blog as well if anyone is interested??? I'm obsessed with cosmetology but I can't bring myself to go to school for it since it doesn't pay very well especially now a days... I'm slowly learning to do all the things I take pleasure in myself, my sister loves my pedi's. and I'm good with basic styles I just hate to do my own hair :-P

I'm to the point of rambling now but Its 6AM and I'm bored at work I've only been here for an hour unfortunately... But on the upside I've only gotten one call, maybe I'll nap at my desk till my co-worker gets in and yells at me for not doing any work

TTYL ~Ebony

Friday 13th

Soo me and My hubby celebrated our lovers day early since its the easiest we went to the Mall of America (even though every day is date for us cuz were dorks in love :-) First we started with our favorite french food crepes at crepe stand (oh la la) then walked around the mall cuz I was stuffed; like a greedy american I got nutella, strawberry and banana's on mine (yum yum) and he had the spinach with extra Swiss (yum yum).

We figured a matinee would be nice so ironically we went to see "He just not that into you". It was funny and romantic :-) but I'm also a big sap... Oh and how exciting we sat in the VIP movie theatre 21+ crazy this is new to me but you check in and they take your snack order, go in and the chairs are bigger and and have nice tables for your snacks and the chairs actually recline ( not like where you sit and have to push the chair in front of you to lean back) while watching previews the nice man who checked us in brings us or popcorn buttered to perfection, drinks with straws and napkins. It was nice and relaxed and you don't have to worry about middle school students who are just barley old enough to see the movie being corrupt and ruing your movie going experience, not to be a snob cuz I was once one of them but this can be rather bother some once your out of high school.

Then off for more adventure to moose mountain for mini golf but this got kinda tiresome after 5 holes since were both A.D.D there was also a line so we couldn't just go straight through our game but we still made it fun...

Next was off for random window shopping we saw an interesting computer and one of those stands its a super computer it was crazy we were like moths to lite; it was blue and had some coolant oil running through the whole thing or they had one where it was completely sub-merged, it was super fast and super expensive... after indulging ourselves we finally asked the price and it was only $2,900!!! And we left ;-) off to our favorite store urban outfitters to explore as usual....

From there it was to midtown exchange for some food I got egg roll noodle salad and Marcus had curry chicken from safari and we both enjoyed our favorite drink bubble tea...

Then stopped by my moms for a few hours to visit since she put me up to buying here some ribs and I had to pick up my W2's.

Then home to cuddle and talk and eventually pass out since I had to be up and at work by 5 :-(

Heros~Random thoughts

So I do have to admit I'm rather late but I'm I am now on board... I've started the series of hero's and I'm so hooked I'm only on the first season, I really want to watch this season but i like to go in order so I know whats going on. I'm the biggest kid you'll ever meet I've been obsessed with the possibility of the super natural forever...

So of all the super hero's and fairy tales the "ability" or "talent" I would like... It's hard but one of my favorite super hero is super man with super ability's all around the board; flying is my favorite of his I like the Idea of being like a bird.

I've always had dreams of hang gliding, jumping of buildings, sky diving; sky surfing, and another random one is is teleporting through different elements of space.

So I now pose the question if what if it isn't just some writers imagination? Theres been theories of gods and goddess's, witch's and warlocks, elves, vampires, creatures of the night, people with super abilities, and aliens. Soo did some early time drug addict come up with this or is it a possibility?

And I'll be the crazy one to admit it... I think so :-)

The world

So back to my blunder of what to do with my life, as I have said I'm not rich but I would love to see the world. I would love to live in another country learn the language, eat the food, see the architecture and clothing; oh and hear the music... But how on earth can any do this with out living on ramen for a year just to go some where for a week :-( I don't want to be a tourist and see the main attractions; I want to embrace the life...

I just want to embrace life in general! I feel like I'm not really living, especially not the way I want to... I would love to have "the perfect job" don't know if anyone heard of it but here they pay you to be a tourist for 6 mos in Australia... Oh it will be some snob who probably seen the rest of the world so easily...

Ugh thats all I want in life is to see the world... But how???

Art school???

So I really love fashion and would love to be a desighner have my own clothing lines but I feel I'm not creative enough... I was told you don't need to be able to draw to be a desighner, becuase drawing is not an option but for me but I do enjoy it... Is it possible to make a career out of something when their is a strong chance you may not be talented enough??? My original plan because their hasn't been a plan in my heart all along was to be a nurse... Something there's security in and I could be very talented at I have a special gift for sciences even though I don't feel i'm smart once it's there it sticks. I even took a career test hoping to reveal my hearts true desires and art was 7th! on the list which I'll paste at the end of my blog as proof... So as a gesture to ignite the passion in my heart that I have for fashion, I will start to compile my ideas in a fashion blog :-) I feel friday will be a good day for it! And to any curious about the career test that will lead you to what your good at not what in your heart :-/ I also thought it was funny that fianance is at the bottom... Seeing as thats my main issue I don't want to spend alot of money on school and come out with nothing even if I could get loans to cover it all....

From http://www.rocketcareer.com

Career Track

Ranking
1) Health Care 100 %
2) Natural Sciences 94 %
3) Teaching & Education 62 %
4) Sports, Media, & Entertainment 48 %
5) Community Service & Social Sciences 38 %
6) Engineering & Architecture 32 %
7) Creative Arts 27 %
8) Technology 19 %
9) Business & Management 17 %
10) Hospitality & Service 14 %
11) Finance & Management 7 %

Who Am I?

I'm new but not new to blogging. This blog is meant to be a discoveration of who I am. I know that my name is Ebony, I know tham i'm 21, I know that I was born and raised in minneapolis,mn; I know that I'm dark skinned, I know that I'm carzy, I know that I'm lazy but I work hard, I know that I'm bored with just existing... It's time for me to know who I am...