Why didn't I go to college? Because I was scared ( and I still am), I was immature and stupid. Even if I just went to community college like I'm trying to do now and just went for anything; I would be better off then I am now.
And I regret 01/29/2005 joining the military every day because I was scared I wouldn't make it in college and I wanted an out. Now I'm stuck with that; how is it I make the worst possible mistakes for myself? How could I fuck my life up to the point of no return?
I applied for one school and didn't get in; I've been making excuses every since, its always been every one elses fault but my own.
I Fuck'd up, and I hate myself every day for it. Why do I make such stupid mistakes, why can't I tell the good from the bad, the right from the wrong... Will I ever learn???
I'm not sure where I'm headed, does GOD have a purpose for my life?
I'm filled with self doubt, plagued by demons real and imaginary, frightend by the challenges ahead and haunted by the ghost of my past. Will I ever know who I am?